What The Bible Says About Sex + How To Have “The Talk”

Wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex? Struggling with knowing what to say or how to not sound “lame”? You’re not alone!

I’m in a season of littles right now, but as our kids get older, it will become necessary to talk to them about sex. But how? What do you say? How do you keep it age appropriate? And what does the Bible even say about sex?

Kayla from The Accidental Nomad Life is sharing with us what the Bible has to say about sex, how we can teach our kids to be counter-cultural regarding their view of sex, and a wonderful course designed for preteen and teenage girls and their moms.

Are you wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex as a Christian parent? This resource is for you!

(This post may contain affiliate links. For my full disclosure policy, click here.)

The following is a guest post from The Accidental Nomad Life. To see more from Kayla, visit her blog

Let’s start by looking at some verses:

If you’ve grown up in the church, or been around the church for any amount of time, I’m sure you’ve heard all the verses about warnings against sex outside of marriage.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” – Ephesians 5:3

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery…” – Galatians 5:9

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” – Hebrews 13:4

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

And so on. In a way, all of these verses make sex seem so taboo and off-limits when, in reality, it can be SUCH a beautiful thing.

Are you wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex as a Christian parent? This resource is for you!

Is sex a sin?

God created sex to be a wonderful, unifying blessing between a husband and a wife. Why, then, is it so easy for society to show sex scenes on TV, but it is so difficult to talk to our children about the wondrousness of it?

It really shouldn’t be.

As a mother of boys, I don’t know what kind of a “sex talk” I will have the opportunity for (since my children are 7 and below), but my hope is that they would learn beauty and gentleness from our conversations. I hope that they are willing and able to come to me if they have questions or problems.

On the flip side of that, I hope that their future wives grow up knowing how precious they are, how cherished they are, and how special the unifying act of sex within marriage is.

I feel that one thing the church misses when presenting youth with Biblical sex is that sex IS good. It is something that SHOULD be talked about in the right environments. It shouldn’t be something that we shy away from and shoosh like it’s dirty and awful.

I think part of the reason youth struggle with the peer pressure of it is because it’s not comfortable to talk about. But, is it any more comfortable when your teen sees it on TV, or reads about it in 17 Magazine?

How should Christian parents approach the topic of sex?

We, as Christian parents, should be the first to address sex, openly and Biblically, in our own homes so that our children grow up knowing it is a safe topic to talk about, because it is something that all teens struggle with. If we are sympathetic, and remember our own struggles growing up, it may make approaching the topic easier.

We can also utilize Biblical resources to approach the subject, keep the topic open (while still private), and allow our children the freedom to come to us when they need help, prayer, or answers.

So, after all of that, and the negative vibes we get from hearing the verses above, how can we make them positive, and give a beautiful picture of sex WITHIN marriage, as they should give us?

Are you wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex as a Christian parent? This resource is for you!

Let’s take a look at those verses again:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” – Ephesians 5:3

Why will it make us unholy? Because anything outside the parameters of the marriage bed is sin, and sin keeps us from God. How can we remain holy people and still enjoy sex? By keeping it between husband and wife only (and yes, this includes movies). Between a husband and wife there is beauty and security.

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery…” – Galatians 5:9

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

What is sexual immorality and debauchery?

Debauchery: excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures.

Immorality: the state or quality of being immoral; wickedness.

These both address things outside of sex that lead up to it, or CAN lead up to it, if we give in to it. Does this mean that the act of sex is bad?

No! It means that the act of sex (or acts that lead up to sex) that are with anyone other than your husband/wife (meaning married) is wrong. It means viewing sensual/sexual scenes/pictures is wrong. It means doing things like touching, sexting, teasing, “toys”, etc. is wrong when it is not within a marriage union, because outside of marriage, there is no security in commitment. Inside of marriage, there is trust and safety, so there is no concern of things ending up anywhere but between the two of you.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

Because…

“…your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 9:19-20

The cautions that Scripture gives us are not keeping us from something wonderful; they are helping to protect us from inevitable pain when we indulge outside of marriage.

There is an intense honesty and trust that plays into a marriage which is what makes sex so beautiful. It is becoming completely vulnerable with your husband/wife and knowing that all is safe within the walls of your marriage relationship. It’s not wrong to be excited for sex, and to look forward to it once you are married, but we need to keep ourselves from acting on that too early.

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” – Song of Solomon 2:7 & 3:5

This is a verse often seen around purity talks, but what does it mean “until it pleases”? That makes it sound like whenever the feeling comes to us. In reality, if we look at the actual context of these verses, they are written about intimate moments within a beautiful, passionate marriage.

Are you wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex as a Christian parent? This resource is for you!

What are some steps we can take to be counter-cultural?

We need to buck the ways that society offers us and keep ourselves from trying to fit in or putting ourselves in compromising situations. We can do that by keeping friends that edify us and build us up in the ways of Christ! We can do this by keeping out of dangerous situations like clubs, parties, or one-on-one time with the opposite gender, and we can do this by keeping what we post on social media free of anything compromising.

Parents, we can be aware of what our children are doing. We have control over their devices, their apps, their computer time, etc. We have the RIGHT to dig in and look through their messages if we feel our children are straying. We have the obligation to give our children a way out of compromising situations.

Even more than that, we have the obligation to protect them from compromising situations like that by being aware of who their friends and friends’ parents are and by knowing what is going on at the things our kids attend (and yes, I realize that there are going to be times of dishonesty; I’m a living example). If we encourage our kids in strong, edifying friendships, we can be confident that they will be safe.

Building up a strong relationship with our children (not a friendship, but a TRUSTING parental relationship) when our children are young will be key to their being open and honest with us in the future.

But how do I have “the talk” with my kids?

How To Talk To Your Daughters About Sex

As  moms, it can be uncomfortable and scary to talk to your daughters about sex. Thankfully, there are awesome people in this world like Sheila Gregoire and her daughters, who have created The Whole Story to make “the talk” a little less intimidating!

The Whole Story is an online video-based course where moms can teach daughters about sex and puberty (the scary stuff!). Together, you and your daughter(s) watch videos featuring young adult “big sister” mentors (Sheila’s twenty-something daughters), and then go through discussion questions, checklists, and mother-daughter activities.

These videos are meant to start the conversations, so that you, as mom, can continue them. There are two versions available: and one for 10-12 year old girls, and one for 13-15 year old girls. If you are intimidated by “the talk” or you just don’t know what to say, this is the perfect course for you and your daughters!

Though my daughter is small now, one day we will be in this stage of life, and I want to approach it well. I want to stop the cycle of shaming women, and I want to raise a daughter to be part of a generation of girls with a healthy view of themselves, of sex, and of God. Will you join me?

>> Click here to sign up for The Whole Story! <<

Are you wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex as a Christian parent? This resource is for you!

How did you talk to your kids about sex from a Christian perspective? What advice would you give to parents who are nervous about “the talk”? Tell me in the comments!

About The Author:

What The Bible Says About Sex

 

Kayla has been married to her husband, Andrew, for 8 years. They have four boys – 7, 4, 2 & 3 months. They have moved five times over the course of their marriage which is where the title of Kayla’s blog, the Accidental Nomad Life sprung from. Kayla homeschools their oldest two boys, blogs frequently and does freelance design work as her stay-at-home job; she loves photography, graphic design, and anything crafty and DIY. Kayla has a heart for sharing her story and encouraging people – the goal of her blog is to reach those who are interested in simple, intentional, faith-based living.

Find out more about Kayla on her blog The Accidental Nomad LifeInstagramFacebookPinterest, and Twitter!

One Reply to “What The Bible Says About Sex + How To Have “The Talk””

  1. I have an 8 year old daughter, so I’m not quite ready to pursue “the talk.” And the thought of talking about sex with my kids makes me squirm! 😂However, I totally agree with all of your points, and think that this course sounds amazing! I’ll be sharing this post on my Facebook page to help get the word out to other mamas!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *